PRE-SEASON TESTING
Martin was not commentating on pre-season testing.
AUSTRALIA
FREE PRACTICE THREE
“He [Bearman] carries a lot of confidence. Probably a bit too much confidence on the throttle in the gravel trap yesterday.”
“They [Alpine] had a picture with four drivers in it. Obviously Gasly, Doohan; Colapinto, and Paul Aron, as you say, and if I was a driver or a driver manager I would be like “this should be a two-driver shoot, shouldn’t it?””
“Fernando Alonso, we saw him abandon his lap after the back end of the car decided it fancied going somewhere else on the racetrack he wasn’t interested in.”
Crofty: “You might have heard me saying about George Russell yesterday, that when he had his power unit issue there was a marshal called Alicia that was first on the scene to attend to him, and then when he had his moment when he crashed last year, Alicia was there to attend to him straightaway again. She’s down at turn one this year.”
Martin: “Yep. I did hear you say that, and I was out on track and I was thinking “how do you know that?””
Crofty: “I know even more! […] They’ve put a magnet on the catch fencing with George Russell’s car on it, which the marshals are now calling a crash magnet, because they reckon Alicia is the crash magnet for George.”
Martin: “George will be pleased(.)”
QUALIFYING
“Arrive and drive through this first chicane.”
“Little bit of a qualifying cloud, as we like to call it.”
Crofty: “I saw a man called Mick in the crowd today, who said, “Crofty, 4,619 days since Fernando [Alonso]’s last pole”, he’s been keeping track for me.”
Martin: “Bit of advice to Mick: do not hand that to Fernando!”
(Lawson qualifies 18th)
“You can hear the Mexican fans now, can’t you, almost from here?”
“They sound like a bag of spanners ticking over, don’t they?”
“Tsunoda saying in his helmet, no doubt, “I should be in the Red Bull”. Maybe he’s better off where he is.”
RACE
“I’ve known Jack [Doohan] since he was knee-high to a kangaroo.”
“To finish first, first you must finish.”
Nico Hulkenberg: “You any good tips how to survive this, Martin?”
Martin: “Er… yeah, go fast, don’t crash, and be there at the end!”
(Hadjar crashes on the formation lap)
“They’re called rookies for a reason, aren’t they? […] I’m just imagining, back in the day, getting the hairdryer treatment from Ken Tyrrell […] or Frank Williams or Patrick Head if you did that.”
“I hope they’re not complaining about those cycle lanes like a London cabbie.”
“Talk about “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”, I don’t know why they took the fastest lap point away.”
“I’m actually nervous and I’m not even in the car.”
Riccardo Adami: “You can use K1 when you’re close.”
Lewis Hamilton: “Leave me to it please.”
Riccardo Adami: “K1 available.”
Lewis Hamilton: “Yes, I know, leave me to it please.”
Martin: “Bono will be smiling.”
“That is one of the all-time great Formula One drives from Lando Norris there, in the most challenging conditions, the restarts, and so much pressure.”
“Nico Hulkenberg, he did “go fast and not crash!””
Driver of the Day
“I would definitely have voted for Lando [Norris] as driver of the day.”
Martin: “I do know of one replica [trophy] that is in there [the McLaren factory], that is my second place in Monaco, because I’ve got the real one.”
Crofty: “Really?”
Martin: “Yep.”
Crofty: “Did you ever tell Ron?”
Martin: “Nope.”
CHINA
SPRINT QUALIFYING
“It’s starting to look a bit 70s, 80s, and 90s, isn’t it? McLaren versus Ferrari.”
“I don’t think I saw a lap last week that looked like Lewis Hamilton driving it.”
“It looks like his steering wheel’s connected to his rear axle instead of his front axle.”
“Hacksawing away on the steering wheel there, wasn’t he? It seems as if you can get the tyres in the sweet spot, off you go. If you can’t, you’re all at sea… and you’ll be seasick from that one.”
“However fast you’re going, however much power you’ve got, it’s not enough.”
“Hamilton/Verstappen front row, it’s got a ring to it, hasn’t it?”
SPRINT
“Back in Melbourne last week, I don’t think we ever saw a lap that looked consistent with Lewis Hamilton at the wheel of a Ferrari.”
“There’s something brilliant, slightly ominous, about Hamilton and Verstappen alongside.”
“That’s the Lewis Hamilton we remember!”
“I kind of expected the McLaren of Norris to stroll past Stroll.”
“What a difference a week makes. […] I never saw a lap last week that looked like Lewis Hamilton, Ferrari, or Lewis Hamilton in a Ferrari.”
“Bit of a braille overtake there, wasn’t it?”
“That was more of a mugging than an overtake.”
“He was slower than a slow thing down the straight, Carlos Sainz.”
Ted: “What’s Italian for “tyre whisperer”?”
[…]
Martin: “And what’s Italian for “validation”?”
QUALIFYING
“You’ve got to have all the braking and gearshifting done well before the corner, which you should do on the road as well.”
Fernando Alonso: “Crazy outlaps.”
Martin: “You needed a calendar to time those, by the sounds of it.”
Crofty: “I don’t know what’s on fire in the background, but it shows you where the wind is coming from.”
Martin: “Thankfully it’s not still Heathrow.”
“The wind is 2.2 m/s. I don’t know what that is on the Beaufort scale.”
Martin: “You can only refuel at 0.8 of a second per litre [sic], which is a slightly random number, isn’t it?”
Crofty: “How does that equate to when I go and fill up the estate car back home, then?”
Martin: “Are you looking at the price or the litres?”
Crofty: “Always the price, Martin! Always the price!”
Martin: “Which seems to go up quite quickly, doesn’t it?”
Crofty: “A lot quicker than it did when I first started driving!”
RACE
“He’ll have done a deal with God by now and playing the spoons somewhere, I have no doubt. Thank you with all of our hearts, Eddie.”
Xue Zhang: “I’m looking for the fastest man alive!”
Martin: “Well, you haven’t found him yet.”
“There’s my son doing a grid walk! Hope he doesn’t get in my way.”
Bryan Bozzi: “We have 20 to 30 points loss on the front. If we can survive, we wait until the first stop.”
Charles Leclerc: “We can survive.”
Martin: “”We can survive”, sounds like a song, doesn’t it?”
“Eating your sweeties all at once. Will make you sick later on if you’re not careful.”
“They’ll be kicking the other side of that front wing off at the next stop, won’t they? He’s flying along.”
Crofty: “Handsome George, as one of his fans tried to call him this morning.”
Martin: “George will tell you that as well!”
“Another fastest lap for Lando. Sadly, no World Championship point for that this year, because obviously they’re just very expensive to just hand out(!)”
“Whoopsy daisy. Rear axle locks, like pulling the handbrake on.”
“Sounds like they wouldn’t pass an MOT, but they’re OK at a couple of hundred of miles per hour.”
(Doohan makes a late block)
“Day late and a dollar short.”
“It was like noughts and crosses – whatever you do next, I’ll do the opposite, and I’ve got you.”
“There used to be more drivers than crowd here in the very early days.”
(Norris bites into a water bottle)
“Oof, your dentist will be telling him off for opening a bottle like that, Lando.”
BAHRAIN
QUALIFYING
Coming soon…
RACE
“He’s [Piastri] as horizontal in life as he is on the race track.”
(to James Martin)
“Thanks for that mega tuna the other night!”
“There’s a few people I’m having to trip over.”
“There are four drivers on the grid younger than this surface. We tend to iron our racetracks so they look like billiard tables.”
“It looks a bit like Tokyo Central station at 7 o’clock on a Monday morning.”
“Peggy Gou, how are you? I’m Martin Brundle, I work for British television, but that’s of no interest to you. […] I hear you’re playing at the British Grand Prix next year.” (she looks perplexed) “Looks like it’s news to you as well!”
(discussing the possibility of a one-stopper)
“As they hand those tyres in with no part exchange price and no warranty whatsoever.”
(Antonelli passes Verstappen)
“That is going to – terminology, may I use? – make Max very unhappy indeed, shall I say? […] To have the 18-year-old go “OK, you’re going there, I’ll just go round the outside” would have infuriated him.”
“I can’t help but think of Jonathan Wheatley on the Sauber pit wall looking back at the Red Bull pit stop chaos tonight.”
“There’s Bernd. I spoke to him on the grid. There was only a 20% chance of seeing him today, but there he is!”
“That’s been Kimi Antonelli’s party piece.”
(the timing fails, so Ted says the lap charts should be brought back)
“I’m just picturing Lady Helen Stewart sitting on the pit wall with six stopwatches in her hands.”
“If I were Andrea I’d be quite miffed it’s not 1-2.”
SAUDI ARABIA
Coming soon…
MIAMI
SPRINT QUALIFYING
(Miami has been extended to 2041)
“Wouldn’t be at all surprised if Fernando Alonso’s still on the grid in 2041.”
“One of the rookies I was talking to this morning said “I don’t know the track” and I said “look, it’s straights, lefts, and rights.””
“They sound like a bag of spanners, don’t they, when they’re ticking over?”
“The mirrors are about as useful as a chocolate fireguard.”
Alex Albon: “I don’t know how that Merc is legal.”
[…]
Martin: “It’s not going to be some kind of aerodynamic measurement or width of bodywork, unless he’s got x-ray eyes.”
(a graphic comes up saying Gasly was 0cm from the wall)
“I think it was minus 5 to the wall, that one.”
SPRINT
“80s and 90s, we wouldn’t have thought twice of racing in this.”
“As we had in Spa, do you remember that crazy day where we had a non-race race?”
“It looks as slippery as oiled oak.”
(discussing the restart procedure)
“I’m going to sit back and wait and see what they do. It seems somewhat unclear at the moment, doesn’t it?”
“We’ve just completed lap 3 of this non-race.”
“You live and you learn.”
“When he says “it won’t turn”, obviously it does turn, it just doesn’t turn as fast as he wants it to.”
“That’s a bit of braille overtaking, isn’t it?”
“His front axle has to be at least alongside the mirror, which I don’t quite know how you’re supposed to see that as a driver in a transient situation, especially in these conditions, or beyond that as you hit the apex, now, as I’ve always said to people, where exactly is the apex of certain corners?”
“It’s raining confetti carbon fibre.”
“Who says they don’t like sprint races? I love a sprint weekend!”
“How can you fit that much action into what turned out to be an 18-lapper?”
QUALIFYING
“Melbourne likes to talk about four seasons in one day, and Miami had that today.”
“They get a set less of tyres, they get six soft, four medium, two hard compound. Think of that, really, of the colours, the white, yellow, and red, as bread, butter, and jam, and they get softer and grippier as they go through them.”
“That was close, but a miss is as good as a mile.”
“It’s a bit of a hop, skip, and a jump through that little chicane.”
Crofty: “You remember Jerez 1997 in qualifying when the top three all set the same time? We had the closest top three in Formula One history. This might be the second-closest, that we’ve currently got, between the top three of all time in Formula One.”
Martin: “We were always convinced there was something dodgy about the timing that day. I was there in Jerez ‘97!”
RACE
“To finish first, first you must finish.”
Martin: “I somehow expected you to be taller and bigger with the punch that you pack!”
Conor Benn: “I pack a heavy punch, but I’m light, though.”
Martin: “I’ll take your word for it!”
Martin: “You alright, my friend? We had a bit of a skirmish here a few years ago, didn’t we, when they tried to get hold of you on the grid?”
[…]
Sir Jackie Stewart: “Lovely trophy, too, by the way. Not all of them are good!”
Martin: “Well, you’ve got a few of them, you should know!”
“Lisa? Lisa? I’m not going to get you involved in trying to get me an interview again, Jackie. I don’t think… I think somebody did say that she was up for having a… yeah, give it a try, Jackie, it worked last time! Yeah, go on, Jackie, Lisa’s her name, Lisa. You’re not being rude by using her first name… yeah… hello there… (to her) this is Sir Jackie Stewart. Any chance of a quick word?”
Martin: “I could have done with you a little while ago, to be honest!”
Jack Whitehall: “I’ve been apologising to all of the team principals and drivers for F1 75, seeing who I’m persona non grata with.”
Martin: “You did give them quite a bit of stick that evening, to be honest!”
Jack Whitehall: “Yeah, I think me and James Vowles though are lifelong friends. He invited me into the Williams garage, we had some espresso martinis together, and I’m really hoping that he gets some points today.”
Martin: “You and Jimmy V, James Vowles, you’ve got quite a thing going on!”
Crofty: “In the words of Jon Bon Jovi, who is going to be living on a prayer and who is going to be (?)” [ed: I have no idea what Crofty said here]
Martin: “And it could be slippery when wet!”
“Long time forming up. They’re going to have to be quicker with 22 cars next year!”
“3 into 2 wouldn’t go.”
“Hadjar threw the anchors out way too late. That was never going to stop in a month of Sundays.”
“You need to get up very early in the morning to put one on Max Verstappen.”
“He was turning left into a right-hander, was Oscar Piastri.”
“Oscar says he won’t be buying lottery tickets here because the safety cars keep helping Lando Norris, but that one worked out nicely for Piastri.”
“He doesn’t like the stewards an awful lot, does he, Max, and he does turn into one every now and then.”
(after Hamilton has asked to be let past Leclerc)
Lewis Hamilton: “Have a tea break while you’re at it, come on!”
[…]
Martin: “They don’t drink a whole lot of tea in the Ferrari factory.”
“Got a bit of a ring to it, McLaren winning and Williams going well, got a bit of an 80s or 90s ring to it.”
Crofty: “Hamilton has been told to swap the positions and give Leclerc a chance at Antonelli.”
Martin: “That’ll go down as well as a dentist appointment on a wet Monday morning.”
“McLaren could have made another pit stop just for the fun of it and still have won by 10 seconds.”
“Day late and a dollar short there, Carlos.”
EMILIA ROMAGNA
Martin did not commentate in Emilia Romagna; Harry Benjamin and Anthony Davidson commentated instead.
MONACO
Coming soon…
SPAIN
Martin did not commentate in Spain; Nico Rosberg commentated instead.
CANADA
QUALIFYING
Coming soon…
RACE
(on the Russell/Verstappen front row)
“Life is full of wonderful coincidences, isn’t it?”
“Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers.”
“I’m very excited after 28 years of being ignored on the grid, I haven’t got a cable! We’ve got a new system.”
“Alan Permane worked on Michael Schumacher’s car at Benetton. You were my enemy! What was it you called me, “the Duke of Norfolk”, and it wasn’t complimentary?”
“Joe’s been a journalist in Formula One since God was in short trousers.”
“If a car’s spinning down the road, you tend to drive where it is now because it won’t be there when you get there.”
“I was clenching my teeth there a bit for Antonelli so I don’t know what he was doing.”
“They wouldn’t pass an MOT, the ones [tyres] that just came off that.”
“We’re getting a lot of driver “I’m in charge here” messages today, aren’t we?”
Crofty: “This, by the way, Pirelli’s 499th World Championship Grand Prix, and their 500th next time out.”
Martin: “And I confidently predict they will win it!”
“If McLaren want a McLaren-like 2025 result, they’ve got a lot of overtaking to do.”
“They used to publish our weights back in the day […] Nigel Mansell hated it.”
(Crofty notes about 10 drivers under investigation for safety car infringements)
“I hope the stewards don’t have an early plane then.”
“The pit stop chart took a bit of a whack when the cars were coming through the pit lane under the safety car. Showing as 5 stops each now, 6 for some of them.”
AUSTRIA
Martin did not commentate in Austria; Harry Benjamin and Karun Chandhok commentated instead.
