PRE-SEASON TESTING
Martin was not commentating on pre-season testing.
AUSTRALIA
FREE PRACTICE THREE
“He [Bearman] carries a lot of confidence. Probably a bit too much confidence on the throttle in the gravel trap yesterday.”
“They [Alpine] had a picture with four drivers in it. Obviously Gasly, Doohan; Colapinto, and Paul Aron, as you say, and if I was a driver or a driver manager I would be like “this should be a two-driver shoot, shouldn’t it?””
“Fernando Alonso, we saw him abandon his lap after the back end of the car decided it fancied going somewhere else on the racetrack he wasn’t interested in.”
Crofty: “You might have heard me saying about George Russell yesterday, that when he had his power unit issue there was a marshal called Alicia that was first on the scene to attend to him, and then when he had his moment when he crashed last year, Alicia was there to attend to him straightaway again. She’s down at turn one this year.”
Martin: “Yep. I did hear you say that, and I was out on track and I was thinking “how do you know that?””
Crofty: “I know even more! […] They’ve put a magnet on the catch fencing with George Russell’s car on it, which the marshals are now calling a crash magnet, because they reckon Alicia is the crash magnet for George.”
Martin: “George will be pleased(.)”
QUALIFYING
“Arrive and drive through this first chicane.”
“Little bit of a qualifying cloud, as we like to call it.”
Crofty: “I saw a man called Mick in the crowd today, who said, “Crofty, 4,619 days since Fernando [Alonso]’s last pole”, he’s been keeping track for me.”
Martin: “Bit of advice to Mick: do not hand that to Fernando!”
(Lawson qualifies 18th)
“You can hear the Mexican fans now, can’t you, almost from here?”
“They sound like a bag of spanners ticking over, don’t they?”
“Tsunoda saying in his helmet, no doubt, “I should be in the Red Bull”. Maybe he’s better off where he is.”
RACE
“I’ve known Jack [Doohan] since he was knee-high to a kangaroo.”
“To finish first, first you must finish.”
Nico Hulkenberg: “You any good tips how to survive this, Martin?”
Martin: “Er… yeah, go fast, don’t crash, and be there at the end!”
(Hadjar crashes on the formation lap)
“They’re called rookies for a reason, aren’t they? […] I’m just imagining, back in the day, getting the hairdryer treatment from Ken Tyrrell […] or Frank Williams or Patrick Head if you did that.”
“I hope they’re not complaining about those cycle lanes like a London cabbie.”
“Talk about “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”, I don’t know why they took the fastest lap point away.”
“I’m actually nervous and I’m not even in the car.”
Riccardo Adami: “You can use K1 when you’re close.”
Lewis Hamilton: “Leave me to it please.”
Riccardo Adami: “K1 available.”
Lewis Hamilton: “Yes, I know, leave me to it please.”
Martin: “Bono will be smiling.”
“That is one of the all-time great Formula One drives from Lando Norris there, in the most challenging conditions, the restarts, and so much pressure.”
“Nico Hulkenberg, he did “go fast and not crash!””
Driver of the Day
“I would definitely have voted for Lando [Norris] as driver of the day.”
Martin: “I do know of one replica [trophy] that is in there [the McLaren factory], that is my second place in Monaco, because I’ve got the real one.”
Crofty: “Really?”
Martin: “Yep.”
Crofty: “Did you ever tell Ron?”
Martin: “Nope.”
CHINA
SPRINT QUALIFYING
“It’s starting to look a bit 70s, 80s, and 90s, isn’t it? McLaren versus Ferrari.”
“I don’t think I saw a lap last week that looked like Lewis Hamilton driving it.”
“It looks like his steering wheel’s connected to his rear axle instead of his front axle.”
“Hacksawing away on the steering wheel there, wasn’t he? It seems as if you can get the tyres in the sweet spot, off you go. If you can’t, you’re all at sea… and you’ll be seasick from that one.”
“However fast you’re going, however much power you’ve got, it’s not enough.”
“Hamilton/Verstappen front row, it’s got a ring to it, hasn’t it?”
SPRINT
“Back in Melbourne last week, I don’t think we ever saw a lap that looked consistent with Lewis Hamilton at the wheel of a Ferrari.”
“There’s something brilliant, slightly ominous, about Hamilton and Verstappen alongside.”
“That’s the Lewis Hamilton we remember!”
“I kind of expected the McLaren of Norris to stroll past Stroll.”
“What a difference a week makes. […] I never saw a lap last week that looked like Lewis Hamilton, Ferrari, or Lewis Hamilton in a Ferrari.”
“Bit of a braille overtake there, wasn’t it?”
“That was more of a mugging than an overtake.”
“He was slower than a slow thing down the straight, Carlos Sainz.”
Ted: “What’s Italian for “tyre whisperer”?”
[…]
Martin: “And what’s Italian for “validation”?“
QUALIFYING
“You’ve got to have all the braking and gearshifting done well before the corner, which you should do on the road as well.”
Fernando Alonso: “Crazy outlaps.”
Martin: “You needed a calendar to time those, by the sounds of it.”
Crofty: “I don’t know what’s on fire in the background, but it shows you where the wind is coming from.”
Martin: “Thankfully it’s not still Heathrow.”
“The wind is 2.2 m/s. I don’t know what that is on the Beaufort scale.”
Martin: “You can only refuel at 0.8 of a second per litre [sic], which is a slightly random number, isn’t it?”
Crofty: “How does that equate to when I go and fill up the estate car back home, then?”
Martin: “Are you looking at the price or the litres?”
Crofty: “Always the price, Martin! Always the price!”
Martin: “Which seems to go up quite quickly, doesn’t it?”
Crofty: “A lot quicker than it did when I first started driving!”
RACE
“He’ll have done a deal with God by now and playing the spoons somewhere, I have no doubt. Thank you with all of our hearts, Eddie.”
Xue Zhang: “I’m looking for the fastest man alive!”
Martin: “Well, you haven’t found him yet.”
“There’s my son doing a grid walk! Hope he doesn’t get in my way.”
Bryan Bozzi: “We have 20 to 30 points loss on the front. If we can survive, we wait until the first stop.”
Charles Leclerc: “We can survive.”
Martin: “”We can survive”, sounds like a song, doesn’t it?”
“Eating your sweeties all at once. Will make you sick later on if you’re not careful.”
“They’ll be kicking the other side of that front wing off at the next stop, won’t they? He’s flying along.”
Crofty: “Handsome George, as one of his fans tried to call him this morning.”
Martin: “George will tell you that as well!”
“Another fastest lap for Lando. Sadly, no World Championship point for that this year, because obviously they’re just very expensive to just hand out(!)”
“Whoopsy daisy. Rear axle locks, like pulling the handbrake on.”
“Sounds like they wouldn’t pass an MOT, but they’re OK at a couple of hundred of miles per hour.”
(Doohan makes a late block)
“Day late and a dollar short.”
“It was like noughts and crosses – whatever you do next, I’ll do the opposite, and I’ve got you.”
“There used to be more drivers than crowd here in the very early days.”
(Norris bites into a water bottle)
“Oof, your dentist will be telling him off for opening a bottle like that, Lando.”
