BAHRAIN
QUALIFYING
“I just want to see close racing. And good racing. And somebody to take the fight Red Bull all year long. That’ll do me.”
“A Formula One car is a bit like a weather vane.”
“If the track’s been too hot for your tyres, they’ve been turning to chewing gum before the end of the lap.”
“It’s all quite limited now as to what you can do, other than the nut that’s holding the steering wheel, basically.”
“We can look up, he’s [Gunther Steiner] coming into our world of television, isn’t he? […] He’ll find the TV rules somewhat different, language-wise, than “sitting on the pit wall” rules.
“140,000 square metres of run-off, this track, all of which will delete your lap time if you use too much of it.”
Martin: “Looked like he was wrestling an octopus.”
[…]
Crofty: “Ever wrestled an octopus? Ever wanted to wrestle an octopus?”
Martin: “I just imagine it’d be quite… busy.”
Crofty: “Trippy? Never know which leg’s coming at you next?”
Martin: “Nearly as dangerous as dropping a Formula One car.”
Martin: “I’ve never been to the desert and been so cold for so long as this.”
Crofty: “Last night when we sent you out to a couple of corners it looked like you’d gone to the Nurburgring in October.”
Martin: “I was hiding behind a generator housing at one point to stay… only my tabard saved me, I think, last night.”
Crofty: “And while you were doing that Ted is just strolling around in shorts like it’s the middle of the summer, eh Ted?”
Ted: “Definitely – it’s not cold enough for trousers yet, what are you talking about?”
“It seems to me that Mercedes, the one Aston Martin remaining, and the two McLarens are probably looking at each other at this point – and probably wondering what on earth Nico Hulkenberg is going to pull out of the bag.”
(Alonso doesn’t go out in the first runs in Q3)
“Probably out on a deckchair somewhere, isn’t he, out the back.”
RACE
Coming soon…
SAUDI ARABIA
Martin did not commentate in Saudi Arabia; Karun Chandhok commentated instead.
AUSTRALIA
QUALIFYING
“I was told when I was young when they take your appendix out they use it for the bits in marmalade. I believed it at the time!”
“That could have been a massive accident. I’ve seen Michael Schumacher upside down in that gravel trap once.”
“Did you notice the birds settling back down on the track as soon as there weren’t any cars out there?”
“Easily flat out as long as you still have all the wheels on the car.”
RACE
Martin: “Did he [Schumacher] have you off on purpose [in Adelaide 1994]?”
Damon: “What do you think? You’re supposed to be the expert.”
Martin: “Almost certainly!”
[…]
Martin: “Thank you from my perspective, because it put me on the podium!”
“It always makes me nervous walking across a rear jack like that, because if it came up… you can imagine it’d hurt.”
(to Dude Perfect)
“Have you not got a ball or an office chair or something to do a sketch on the grid?”
“Let’s do a Marty’s Random Person… that’s Louise! That’s not a Marty’s Random Person, that’s Louise [Goodman], I used to work with her at ITV!”
“You’re [Ricciardo] going to be lonely at the back! Zhou Guanyu’s in the pit lane, no Logan Sargeant […] you’re going to have to dodge the confetti of carbon fibre.”
(to Sainz)
“They had to cut three little holes or something in you to get your appendix.”
“Adrenalin is a wonderful thing.”
“To finish first, first you must finish.”
“They’re just starting to release the reins a bit. Not that I’ve ever ridden a horse. […] Give me 1,000 horsepower, I love it. Give me one horse, it’d frighten the life out of me.”
“Albon came in on lap 6. He’ll get the fleet operators’ award if he keeps running the tyres that long.”
(McLaren swap Piastri behind Norris)
“I doubt there’s a box to tick on the to-do list today of “pleasing the fans”.”
(Leclerc gets close to the wall)
“That’s all right. A miss is as good as a mile.”
“He [Sainz] cost a couple of kilos in weight including his appendix.”
“There’s a lot of World Championships standing as spectators today.”
“Don’t know if they have royal rovers back in Spain or whatever they’re called.”
“That’s a really good sporting story.”
“Nothing against Red Bull, but F1 needed this today.”
JAPAN
Martin did not commentate in Japan; Anthony Davidson commentated instead.
CHINA
Martin did not commentate in China; Nico Rosberg commentated instead.
MIAMI
SPRINT SHOOTOUT
Coming soon…
SPRINT
Coming soon…
QUALIFYING
Coming soon…
RACE
“‘57 Chevvy Balaire. Two years older than me. In much better condition!”
(to Camilla Cabillo)
“May I be so bold and call you senhorita?”
(to Charlotte Tilbury)
“I’m going to admit to stealing some of your product from the bathroom sink.”
“Let’s have a look at the car, see what we can find… that’s an exhaust pipe.”
(at that moment, a backfire then caused Martin to jump about 6 feet in the air)
[…]
“That’ll teach me to poke my nose in, won’t it?”
“There’s so many people here, I can’t actually see half of them.”
“I’ve got a headache. The music on the grid was so loud I didn’t even hear them start Lewis’s car up until it backfired!”
“100kg of fuel on board, like having two lighter passengers on board, or one heavy one.”
“Lewis – he’s not lost any bravery, has he?”
“Lewis has spent pretty much all the racing laps this weekend wearing a Haas.”
“I don’t know what the Norris equivalent of “Hammer Time” is.”
“Thing about racetracks is nothing moves, it’s all in the same place lap by lap.”
“The Alpine was moving around so much there, it looked drunk.”
“Kevin Magnussen must have his own seat up there in the stewards’ office, he’s been up there so often.”
Crofty: “It would be one of the more popular wins we have commentated on if Norris can get to the chequered flag.”
Martin: “Let’s not talk about it…!”
“His front tyre will feel like a 50 pence piece now, and the rattle will… he won’t have any fillings in his teeth, will he?”
“He beat both Ferraris and both Red Bulls fair and square.”
“Last year here, they [McLaren] finished one a half minutes behind Verstappen’s Red Bull. This year, 7 seconds ahead of him.”
EMILIA ROMAGNA
Martin did not commentate in Emilia Romagna; Karun Chandhok commentated instead.
MONACO
QUALIFYING
Coming soon…
RACE
“It’s all right mate, I’m in charge around here.”
(after talking to Kylian Mbappe via bodyguard)
“Thanks for talking to us… and your dear friend there.”
Martin: “Hello, I’m Martin Brundle from Sky… I think.”
Joe Jonas: “Hot day but that’s why we’re in shorts!”
(Martin is in a full suit!)
Martin: “I dressed in the dark, I think.”
“It’s a 300 km/h game of chess today.”
(Ocon is out of his overalls)
“Unless they’re fireproof jeans, he is not going any further in this race.”
Crofty: “You asked James Vowels what time his flight leaves, what time does yours leave?”
Martin: “It’s fine, it’s fine. I’m swimming home.”
“The one DRS zone here is as useful as a chocolate fireguard.”
Marcus Dudley: “George, at this stage we gain nothing from driving faster.”
Martin: “That’s made my day(.)”
(after Anthony explains why Leclerc mustn’t pull out a pit stop gap over Russell as it leaves him vulnerable to the undercut)
“The great Alain Prost, the great four times world champion [said] win the race at the slowest possible pace.”
“This is a game of chess. I know I say it every race, and I know I say it every year.”
“This is a cat and mouse game going on. Can mice play chess, Crofty?”
“Back in the 80s and 90s? Ferrari vs McLaren at Monaco?”
“I feel sorry for Ted. We’ve got the world’s best pit reporter and nobody coming down the pits at him.”
“They’re the world’s fastest heating engineers.”
“How Lando likes his eggs? Soft, medium, or hard? Scrambled, he will not want today.”
“Go round here in 78 seconds, you’d be a quivering wreck for the rest of the month, if not the year. It’s only relatively slow.”
Ted: “Bruno Famin’s strong words to French TV, I’ve got a translation…”
Martin: “Do we need the bleep machine, Ted?”
Ted: “Ooh, we’ve got an Aston Martin pit stop!”
Martin: “You’re still going to get paid, Ted!”
(Stroll’s punctured tyre makes a bid for freedom)
“Like a polo mint. Other mints available.”
“George will need his elbows sharpened and out.”
“Nigel Mansell will be watching this at home, saying “you can’t get through”.”
“I can imagine Carlos clenching his teeth going “vamos!” and Piastri going “yeah right mate, fill your boots.””
Charles Leclerc: “I’ll just bring it home.”
[…]
Martin: “”Home” being the perfect word for Charles Leclerc.”
CANADA
Coming soon…
SPAIN
Martin did not commentate in Spain; Karun Chandhok commentated instead.
AUSTRIA
SPRINT SHOOTOUT
“You know how it is sometimes. Whichever queue you get in, you’ll feel like you’re in the wrong queue.”
(a lull in the action)
Ted: “What am I going to do, my Julie Andrews impression?”
Martin: “Yes please!”
“Upgrades “tricking” you? What, did they put them on and they suddenly go “ha, got you there, didn’t I? You weren’t expecting that, were you?””
“Now we’re down to 10 cars, we’ve halved the field, so they should— they’ll still trip over each other.”
“We’re not very good at jumping the queue, us Brits.”
SPRINT
Coming soon…
QUALIFYING
Coming soon…
RACE
Coming soon…
UNITED KINGDOM
Coming soon…
HUNGARY
Coming soon…
BELGIUM
Coming soon…
THE NETHERLANDS
QUALIFYING
(Sergeant crashed in FP3)
“I’m sure half that car went in the skip, let alone got recovered.”
“When I wonder up and down the grid, I don’t remember being there as a driver on the grid. It’s a different life.”
“I’ve got 10 trophies and a broken ankle to confirm I was there in 1984.”
“That great big engine cover behind the driver acts like a sail in a crosswind.”
RACE
Coming soon…
ITALY
Coming soon…
AZERBAIJAN
Martin did not commentate in Azerbaijan; Karun Chandhok commentated instead.
SINGAPORE
QUALIFYING
Coming soon…
RACE
(discussing Qualifying)
“I was nervous in my stomach, and I wasn’t even on the track.”
“If you transported animals with no space in these temperatures, you’d be rightly arrested.”
“Hulkenberg looking more in his mirrors than out the front of the car.”
“Drive angry, the car goes sideways and backwards, not forwards.”
Max Verstappen: “Rear tyres are quite bad now.”
Gianpiero Lambiase: “Understood, Max. Shouldn’t be too long now.”
Martin: “Sounds like the next bus, doesn’t it?”
“I finished 5th in my last race, but I didn’t know it was my last race.”
(Norris is told to take a drink)
“Needs a teabag in it, for sure. There’s nothing worse than hot energy drink.”
“My favourite gridwalk interviewee, Kylie Minogue.”
UNITED STATES
SPRINT SHOOTOUT
“It’s surprising given how wide the pit lane is – you can see it there – that they still manage to somehow run into each other.”
“A lovely long straight. Might be as straight as a banana.”
(Albon spins)
“I always say a good car spins down the middle of the road, I’ve said it all my career, but a good car should not spin like that.”
“This, then, is the sort of yee-ha part of the lap.”
“Treat the throttle pedal like it’s got an egg underneath it you don’t want to break.”
(a rear view onboard)
“It’s like travelling backwards on a train or something, isn’t it?”
Crofty: “Nico Hulkenberg could be a mightily relieved man, I’m hearing he had a water leak and nearly didn’t finish the lap.”
Martin: “His car, you mean?”
SPRINT
“He [Tsunoda] imagined himself past there, didn’t he, but unfortunately the front axle didn’t agree with him.”
“No quarter given. There was a bit of quarter asked at one point.”
Crofty: “19 laps, I’d like another 19.”
Martin: “I’d rather have Free Practice 3, wouldn’t you(?)”
Crofty: “There are some front wings that need adjusting(.)”
QUALIFYING
“We’ve had the appetiser, now it’s the main course.”
“Fernando, a man in a hurry, as always.”
“He’s [Albon] got 100 races under his belt. That’s kind of an apprenticeship these days, isn’t it? Fernando Alonso celebrates 400 races next weekend, which is just something I can’t quite comprehend.”
(Alpine have a new livery which Crofty has mixed up with McLaren all weekend)
“Their wheels actually look more McLaren than the McLarens do now.”
“The magic dust hasn’t arrived yet with Sergio Perez in the other car.”
“Max Verstappen on used tyres. They were new 10 minutes ago, but they’re used now!”
(Leclerc is wheeled back in)
Crofty: “A very wide pit lane, so they’ve got plenty of room.”
Martin: (dryly) “A very long car.”
“Mixed day for the Brits, wasn’t it(?) Norris on pole, Russell in the hedge, and Lewis at the back!”
RACE
“Hope your roast went absolutely brilliantly.”
(after Martin almost falls over a photographer)
“There’s a few other people on this grid I was hoping to trip over at some point.”
(to Colapinto)
“Hello. My name’s Martin Brundle, Sky, we haven’t met. Quick chat? … Oh well. No is the answer to that.”
Martin: “In the old days, you could have a rolling start [at the back] and nobody would notice.”
Crofty: “There’s a man who speaks from experience!”
“That’s birthday and Christmas all at once.”
“Fernando Alonso and Liam Lawson, and they became very bad friends, didn’t they?”
Tom Stallard: “Feedback on plan A, please.”
Oscar Piastri: “Ambitious.”
[…]
Martin: “If plan A stands for ambitious, what would plan B stand for? Brilliant?”
(Gasly passes Albon off the track and blames Albon)
“Bit like when you were stealing apples as a kid – it’s always somebody else.”
(Piastri has a slow stop)
“With VAT, you’re absolutely right, Ted.”
“You’ll have to get up very early in the morning to lunge Max Verstappen from there.”
“I feel sorry for Leclerc and Ferrari, because we’ve barely noticed them or talked about them!”
MEXICO CITY
QUALIFYING
“Franco, good to meet you. Sorry about what happened in Austin!”
(the Perez family have a family moment)
“They’re not always keen to be kissed, those youngsters?”
“Whether it’s racing at Mexico or… inner Mongolia, Perez needs a result.”
“Bit of a hop, skip, and jump over the next two kerbs.”
“He hooked the inside wheels like a railway line on the kerb.”
(Leclerc loses his time for cutting the first chicane)
“Absolutely bang to rights, officer.”
“Verstappen’s doing a great job at making the best of a bad job.”
“It’s a casino whether you’re going to fit yellows or reds, or indeed whether you’re going to fly off the track yourself.”
RACE
(Leclerc’s drinks bottle is spilling)
“That’s a first-world problem, that one.”
“That was a day late and a dollar short from Lewis, but hey ho, I don’t think his teammate or his team will be complaining.”
Carlos Sainz: “Come on guys, Charles is taking the piss.”
[…]
Martin: “It must have been that drinks bottle Charles was having to consume.”
“If I was Lawson I’d be leaving this place in a balaclava tonight.”
“Lando needs to treat that Red Bull like the hind legs of a donkey.”
(Verstappen serves his penalty)
“It’s like being on the naughty step at the front of the class.”
“That was a bit of a Halloween present for Lando Norris.”
(the Mercedes battle for 4th)
“Cracking little race. Pity that’s not for the lead!”
“Next season’s going to be an all-time Formula One classic, I have no doubt about it.”
“The Monaco friendship of Lando Norris and Max Verstappen is being severely tested here.”